Pastor’s Blog



John 12:32 (NKJV)
Recently, on a lazy Sunday afternoon, as my wife and I were taking a brief rest, she looked up to what I was watching on TV and said “You know we’re getting baseball back.” I nodded my head and quickly felt my mind take off; contemplating how much her comment reflected just how far I have come from the darkest day of my life.
To understand why her words meant so much, you have to understand my love of baseball. Baseball was a gift passed on to me by both my parents. My dad would play catch with me in the yard. He taught me how to throw a curve and I could always depend on him making my games as a kid. My passion for the game however, came from my mom. She loved her baseball and she especially loved it when the boys in pinstripes would take the field. Her beloved Yankees would always define her summers. A perfect summer meant a World Series in the fall. Anything less was a disappointment. I can’t say when it happened, but her passion had become my passion.
I remember sitting with her, in October of 1977, listening as Reggie Jackson staked his name in World Series history. He had already hit two home runs and as he came to the plate again, I asked her “Mom do you think he can do it again?” She told me “Son you just never know.” With the crack of the bat you could hear the crowd start to scream and the announcers yelling, “He’s done it again. It’s a home run!” That night my mom and me danced together, with the shared joy of celebrating a magical moment we would never forget. It was our moment, a moment we would relive together many times in the years to come.
I can remember sitting in a restaurant with my family, in August of 1979, when our waitress asked if we had heard the news. My dad said “no” and she informed us that Thurman Munson had died that day, in a plane crash. My mother’s hand flew to her mouth and she rushed out of the restaurant in tears. Thurman was one of her beloved Yankees and she mourned him like she had lost a member of her family. I also remember the radio didn’t play as many games, at our house, the rest of the season.
I remember many years later on a night in 1996, I was married and father myself, with my wife sleeping beside me, I watched what I feared was going to be a bad night for the Yankees. They had made it back to the World Series after years of frustration and were facing a powerful Atlanta team. We were already down 2 games to 1 and were losing 6-0 when the boys started to make a comeback. It was capped by a three run homer by our backup catcher Jim Leyritz. I jumped out of bed and as quietly as I could, so I wouldn’t wake my wife, I danced and cheered as he rounded the bases. My phone suddenly rang and I grabbed it knowing who would be on the other end. It was my mom and all she could say was “Did you see it son? Did you see it?”
Two years ago, my mom lay dying in her bed. She was wrapped in her Yankees blanket and had a Yankee hat on to keep warm. I sat with her that night and watched the boys play but neither one of us was really into it. I held her hand and knew my days with her would be short. The boys of summer where back, but there would be no season for my mom. A few weeks later, on May 19th she went home to be with Jesus. Her Yankees played and lost, 6-5 to the Reds, that night. Mom would have been disappointed.
I didn’t watch much baseball that year. I’d try but my heart wasn’t in it. The joy of the game wasn’t there for me anymore. My beloved Yankees played hard but it was a bad season for them and I didn’t even care. I stayed away because those pinstripes always had me thinking of my loss. The game that brought me so much joy in the past, now often left me in tears.
I guess that’s why, when my wife said what she did, I had to stop and think. Without even realizing it, my life had moved forward. The pain of loss was not as harsh as it was before. I had gone back to watching something that my mom had passed on to me and I didn’t feel like my heart had a hole in it. It was just a baseball game…a game that I could still love. It was no longer a reminder of something painful and could never enjoy again. It was just a peaceful Sunday, watching my Yankees play ball.
What I realized most about grief, in that moment, was how time allows us to process the good from the painful. My mom passed her passion for baseball on to her young son. Now that she’s gone, instead of it making me feel her loss in every pitch, it is a way to connect with a wonderful memory of her. I know my phone won’t ring when a great play is made as it did so many times before, but now I turn to my son and celebrate with him. We do the dance. We make new memories. He may not realize it, but a piece of his grandma is getting passed on to him.
A wise woman told me this about grief. In time, you will get to the place where you live the memories you choose, instead of your memories choosing for you. Grief is a funny thing. There are no shortcuts through it. I will say this. Day by day pain does fade and your memories become a way to stay connected not dreaded. So here’s to you mom…the batter is coming to the plate, the umpire turns to the field. Then, in a loud voice he says the words that all baseball lovers love….Play Ball.
My life has been impacted by women and I would not be the man I am today if it were not for the women who have become part of my story. Though some have been just drive-bys, sharing brief periods of time and shared experiences, they can bring a smile when I catch a fleeting memory run through my thoughts. Others have had such a lasting impact that I want to celebrate them this Mother’s Day weekend.
My first great love with a woman started 47 years ago when Milagros Farley gave birth to me. My relationship with my mother was one that I just always knew I could count on. She was the one who dried my tears. She let me be someone who shared his emotions and never made me feel less of a man because I cried. When I was older and would come home, she treated me like a returning hero. She would cook my favorite meals, have my room ready, and she would want to sit and talk. I miss her voice so much now that she has gone. I miss being able to talk with her about my worries, my fears and my hopes. My mother couldn’t fix things for me but there was always something about just having her there to listen that gave me strength. How do you encompass a lifetime of love in a paragraph…you don’t. Happy Mother’s Day mom…I will love you forever and I can’t wait to see you again my precious mother.
The next woman that I fell in love with was for a very different reason. Her place in my heart is special and will always be there because of what she did for me. This woman is my spiritual mom, Sharon Carter. One day, over 25 years ago, Sharon went into the pits of hell to fight for a young man who made a mess of his life. I was losing my battle with drug addiction. My will to live was fading and the darkness was becoming very dark. It took some 12 hours, which she willingly fought, as God used her to give me birth into His Kingdom.The Holy Spirit worked through her to peel the layers of my anguish away, until all that was left was a young man who could once again see that God still loved him. I remember her telling me, some time later, that for most of that day I could barely look her in the face. She went on to tell me, that after many hours into that amazing day I looked up and smiled. She said she knew right then that I was going to make it. Sharon took me under her wing and let me become part of her family. How do you put the depth of your thankfulness into a paragraph…you can’t. Happy Mother’s Day Sharon Carter from all of the kids that you have born into the Kingdom.
My next love affair with a woman has been my greatest. When my Jessica came into my life she turned my life upside down in a very good way. This beautiful blonde goddess turned her blue eyes on me and I did something that I didn’t think I was capable of doing. I fell in love for a lifetime. That young girl, from all those years ago, has grown into a stunning woman who I am proud to call my wife. Her light shines and by extension she has made my light shine even brighter. I have said of her, that she is the only person who knows me to the extent that she does and still chooses to love me. She has been my voice of comfort when life has thrown its hardest things at me. When I have struggled to believe that the morning would come, it has been her encouragement that has kept me. Her face is the last I see each day and the one I wake up to. That is how I want to live until I leave this place. She has been this woman to me while also having the room in her heart to bring our four children into this world and raise them with me in a home she has built for us to live in. She is the center we all revolve around. How do you put your greatest love affair into a paragraph…you don’t. Happy Mother’s Day Jessica Farley…you are, and will always be, my person.
Thoughts on a great love….It may surprise the outside observer but even strong marriages go through tough times. It is the nature of human relationships that there will be moments when things aren’t always going to be perfect and sometimes wounds can result. That’s why I wish more couples could be taught from the beginning of a relationship this vital principle. Good times are the season to enjoy in a relationship but it is how you handle the tough times that will determine if you’re going to live a great love affair or not.
During a recent meeting of our marriage enrichment group at FWC, we explored what may be one of the greatest truths in marriage I’ve ever looked at. Over the years I have often heard people say with all sincerity that they are committed to their marriage and they will do everything possible to make things work. The words sound so right. The response correct but unfortunately it might be the one of the reasons so many marriages fail.
There is no place in the Bible that says that we are to be committed to a marriage. Although the concept seems sound it isn’t Biblical. What the Bible tells us is to be is committed to each other. The idea of being committed to your marriage sounds right but what you are really saying is that you are committed to a social connection and an institution. Sometimes I think we for forget we didn’t marry an institution. We married living, breathing people who if they aren’t treated as such, can eventually fade away.
If you live for awhile everyone experiences the basic truth of life. It isn’t always easy. The pressures of children, financial concerns, work and can I even dare say the general boredom we all face at times, can leave us looking for a way out. These pressures have a way of making us start to view any change at any cost a necessity. The problem is that change doesn’t come without cost and the price of some change can lead to a lifetime of regret.
I have seen in my years of ministry how some couples see their marriage as the definition of their lives. As the pressures of life pile up if there isn’t a commitment to a person instead of to an institution it can become very tempting to think that walking away will solve everything. When things are tough…replace. That would be fine if we were dealing with a car or something of similar value but a life is never easily replaced and its value is priceless. Unfortunately in this throw away culture we live in, marriage can seem like one more piece of baggage that is easily replaced.
In a few weeks I will have been married 23 years. That is almost half my life. It has come as fresh insight that I can say I am not committed to my marriage. What I am committed to is a person. She is a person who knows me more intimately than any other person on the face of the earth. She has seen me grow from a young man to a middle aged one and has loved me through it all. I have failed her and she has forgiven me. She has brought my children into this world and given me a legacy. She makes me laugh. She can make me sad. She is the first face I see every morning and the last one I see at night. She knows my fears and comforts me through them all. She is real and she is my great love.
I have often told my wife if everything fell apart in my life if we had each other we would just rebuild and go on. A marriage can’t give you that. It takes a real living breathing relationship. So may I offer a suggestion this Valentine’s Day? While the cards are nice and the flowers are beautiful they are just things that will fade away. What really says I love you is when you give yourself to another. When your commitment to that person is stronger than whatever life throws at you and they know it.
John 14:25 - 27 (NKJV)
I have read this passage of scripture numerous times through the years. It is a beautiful hope-filled passage. That said, I am growing more and more convinced that Jesus was not just offering hope but issuing a warning in these words. Peace was being given but it was also something that would have to be looked for and fought for.
The heart of Christianity is rooted in faith. From our initial belief in God to walking out His promises for our life, faith is the key. Is it any wonder the writer of Hebrews would say that without faith it is impossible to please the Lord. Without it we are left to believe whatever life is throwing at us and embracing the fears that hover at the edge of all of our days. Faith is a key to be sought after but I have found myself questioning whether much of our modern teachings on faith is a true representation of faith or just the empty words we speak to pacify our worries and to calm our fears.
To understand faith I think we need to look deeper into these words that Jesus spoke. He promised a comforter who would come and teach us all things. He also promised us that peace was already here. He left it for us but He also told us how much our faith would be tried and that sometimes our faith would be in crisis. To have and keep faith we would need to learn its language and the language of faith is peace.
For most of us we associate peace with a mental state of well being. We feel that if we can dim the volume of our world a bit then we have found peace. It is possible to mistake this surface level emotion as the peace of God but I caution you that it isn’t. The peace Jesus speaks of is something far deeper than a momentary calming of your life. It is the amazing peace of mind and tranquility that arises from reconciliation with God and a sense of His divine favor on your life that can’t be shaken. His peace isn’t about stopping the noise of the world. His peace is about quieting your heart so that you can live in faith.
So the question for me has been how I go about changing my language to one of faith and not of fear. How do I find this treasure that Jesus promised he had left for us? I can’t say I’ve found all the answers but I have found a few things that have helped. I hope these help you also.
A) Put a lock on it
Proverbs 18:21 (TMSG)
We often are our own worst enemies when it comes to keeping our peace. We speak words into the air without recognizing the power they hold over our faith and well being. I have taken to avoiding certain people because every time I ask them how they are I know that I’m about to get a garbage bag full of their negativity. Sometimes the greatest words of faith you will speak are the words that you keep locked in your mind. Don’t give life to something that steals your peace. If you can’t praise, then be still until you can.
B) Get off the treadmill
Psalms 46:10 (NKJV)
It seems to be built into our DNA to have a constant need to be in motion. We live our lives like sharks swimming in the ocean; if we are ever still we will drown. The problem is that often much of the actions we are taking when we find ourselves in conflict or distress are not ordered of God but just our flesh trying to fix what only God can do. How many of us are doing Satan’s work for Him by running around trying to change things instead of being still and letting God? Treadmills can exhaust you, but the reality is that no matter how much energy you put into them in the end you’ve gone nowhere. Get off the treadmill and fight for your peace.
C) Detach and refocus
Psalms 32:7 (NKJV)
I believe in the self-protection of detachment. Some people might claim that I’m advocating that you just give up on any person or situation that is stressful, I am not. I do believe that sometimes you have to let something go and give it to God so that your peace is not constantly threatened by the uncertainty you’re facing. Detaching from the moment will also help you to take the next step which is to refocus.
For me one of God’s best promises I’ve discovered is finding that God will hide me away for a time until I’m strong enough to face what’s in front of me. To retreat into that place is in many ways one of the ultimate acts of surrender. I give myself permission to take a time out from stress and surround my mind with promises that defy and contradict whatever reality I’m facing. It’s in those moments that the Holy Spirit brings oxygen to my soul and strengthens me to stand and fight.
What you focus on will in time become what you worship. The devil works overtime to steal your peace because he understands just how vital it is to you walking in faith. Today I pray more than anything that you can take a step back from what you’re facing and ask your Holy Helper to center you. Center you in His realities, Center you in His possibilities and most of all fill you with peace.
The envelope sat unopened on the kitchen island. For days its intended recipient walked past it never once stopping to examine the contents of the envelope. They knew it was there but chose to ignore it. The contents really were no mystery. The bright pink invoice in the envelope’s window announced to everyone what was inside. It was another reminder of a debt that was owed.
Finally after several days of watching the envelope stay unopened I could take it no longer. I stopped the person that the envelope had come for and told them to open it. In frustration they did and threw it back on the counter. “What am I suppose to do with this? I can’t pay it.” I felt their frustration but knew from experience that this wasn’t going away. In my ears I could hear these wise words spoken to me as a young man and repeated them “Just because you don’t open the envelope doesn’t mean you don’t owe the debt. You’re never going to get past this until you face the problem and start working your way out of it.”
Since the Garden of Eden man has always chose the path of hiding. The cry of God’s voice ringing through the garden, “Adam where are you?” can arguably be called the start of mankind’s journey of not owning up to what he’s done. The path of least resistance always winds its way through denial. If I ignore it…it will eventually go away.
I have met a few people along the way that just get it. They never see a mountain that is so high that they immediately look for the path of denial and least resistance, hoping that when they look back over their shoulder it will all be a bad dream and everything is better. I wish I could count myself as one of these types of people but I admit I fall more into the procrastinators’ camp and I bear the scars to prove it.
One of the benefits of aging is gaining a bit of perspective and hopefully wisdom. Age has taught me this valuable lesson-the nature of problems is that if ignored they don’t go away…they just get bigger and eventually will have to be faced.
Is this some new profound revelation that I’ve discovered? Have I unearthed the secrets to the mystery of life? No… this is just simple common sense that most of us have heard a thousand times. Unfortunately it is also this simple truth that will challenge most of us through our adult years; causing molehills to turn into mountains and problems that could have been overcome with a little effort to become anchors that hold us down and deny us access to God’s best plans for our lives.
Every day we chose to not face a situation that needs our immediate attention compounds the interest on a bill that will eventually require repayment. When we make the choice to disengage instead of engage, life doesn’t stop. It continues to march forward dragging all of our unresolved problems from one place in life to the next. Unresolved issues don’t go away, they just become stumbling blocks between you and your destiny.
Why do we procrastinate? I think the major reason is that we are afraid. Maybe it’s the fear of facing a mess of our own making and the regret that comes from knowing you can’t go back and do something over. You can only go forward and own your problem and deal with it. So we default to living in denial. We think that what we don’t know, won’t hurt us, but sadly it always will. Ignorance is bliss is not a life plan it’s just ignorance.
Years ago my wife offered me a piece of advice that has helped me to tackle many of my problems. She told me that I had to change the way I viewed my mountains. I was always looking at the top of the mountain wondering how I would ever climb it. Because it seemed impossible I would get discouraged and quit. She told me to stop looking at the top and just look for the next step. No mountain would ever be climbed in leaps but by walking step by step the summit would grow closer and eventually reachable.
Those words have done more to help me fight my way out of trouble than anything else I have ever tried. I can’t count the times that I have faced insurmountable opposition and challenges that seemed to spell the end of my dreams. It’s in those moments I have learned to circle the simple promises of God more than any other time. He will give me nothing more than I can handle…no weapon formed against me shall prosper…I can do all things through Christ that gives me strength. The strength found in those promises has given me the determination to open my eyes to what needs to be done and it has always been to find the first step and the next will be waiting.
Sometimes the first step is to just open the envelope. Find out where you are. You can’t develop a plan without knowing where you stand. God has promised to not leave us alone. He has promised to help us if we call out to Him in our times of trouble. Admitting you’re in trouble is seen as weakness by some but in God’s eyes it is the first step to a miracle.
Staying under your rock may seem like the ideal answer to your problems. The rain can’t hit you if your head is covered. The problem with having your head covered is you might miss the moment that the sun comes back out looking to bring life to your impossible moment. Engage my friend. Defeat the little foxes of procrastination that seek to destroy your destiny. The start of every miracle is the first step you take to not only face but to climb your mountain